Depression And Anxiety

25.004.15


Hey guys, so as you can probably tell, this post is going to be about depression and anxiety. This is a serious blog post for me, because I have only ever spoken to a few people about this subject. First, I am going to start of with anxiety. Now, not most people understand the concept of anxiety, but when you have it, it is terrifying. I feel like I have had anxiety for about 2 years now. My anxiety first started when I was 13, and I had just started in year 9. By this point, I had just had an argument with my friends, and it had gone around my whole school. Considering I grew up with one of the friends I had an argument with, this shocked a lot of people. From then on, I always felt like I was being judged, and would be scared to even go to school sometimes because of this. I also became self-conscious of the way I looked. This meant that instead of being myself, I had started to wear make-up and do it like everyone else. This also brought me more attention from others and I had become to get more anxiety. When I knew that my anxiety was happening, I would always get pains in chest, and stomach. I would also have sweaty palms, unable to keep still, and start to breath heavier. This soon led to very small panic attack I had a few weeks later.

After this panic attack, I had decided to make some more friends. At the time, I only had two real friends and I would hang around with a group of people I didn't know, but soon came to be friends with. Later on in my year 9 time, I had made friends with Pink (was mentioned in my first blog post). This had made me less anxious to talk to people, but when we started to hang around with people she knew, I had started to develop my anxiety again. This was developed from my social awkwardness. This is where I can't really talk to somebody first, or have a proper long conversation with the person, and there would be awkward silences sometimes. A little while after this, Pink had decided to leave school, to move because her mum wanted a fresh start. This made me become upset, and I had started to close up, and wouldn't really talk to anybody. This had lasted for about 4 months. Then I soon found out two of my other friends were going to leave. By this point, I had become close to Blue (mentioned in first blog post). She had started to really look out for me and helped me through some hard times. This built up my confidence a lot more.

However, I still suffer from the symptoms of my Social anxiety, because I will start to get hot and clammy. This unfortunately has started to affect my sleeping. Luckily, it hasn't gotten so bad I need to take sleeping pills. If you ever start to continuously wake up in the night, and have bad dreams continuously, then you may want to think about seeing a therapist, counsellor or a doctor.

Onto the depression stage of this blog. As I told you above, I am suffering from anxiety. The horrible thing that comes with anxiety for some people is depression. Now, depression isn't a 24/7 thing. Sometimes you can feel happy and excited, and sometimes you can feel lonely and sad. At the beginning of my anxiety, I had started to get depressed. I couldn't cope with feeling like I was being judged, and sometimes when I got home I would curl up in a ball on my bed and cry myself to sleep. That's how bad it felt. Luckily for me, I have got past this stage, and have just overcome my depression. Now, depression is a really hard thing to talk about, so this may trigger some peoples anxiety's and depression.

My depression had first started when I fell out with my friends. At first, my mum and dad thought it was just a phase I was going through, because I had fallen out with some friends, but it was more than that. I had started to keep myself cooped up in my room, only coming out to eat or drink, go to school and other things. Soon, I had decided I started to not wanted to do my dance lessons any more because it would remind me of my old friends, as I would walk to my dance classes with them. This led to me being disinterested and telling my family I didn't want to dance any more. This didn't really worry my mum or dad, because I wasn't fully interested to begin with. But, after 2 months, I had started to be disinterested with my tennis lessons. Now, ever since I was in year 6, I had been doing these tennis lessons. I would learn how to play tennis and it would be a really fun way to meet new people.

My mum, dad and sister knew how much I used to love doing these classes, and when I started to not really enjoy going any more, they became worried. They started asking what was wrong and if I was okay. To all these questions, I replied 'nothing', or 'I'm fine'. After a short while of saying this, I had opened up to Blue. She became the closest thing to family out of everyone in my friend group after Pink left. I started to tell her about how I felt and what was wrong. She completely understood, and didn't judge me on anything I told her. She hugged me and said it was okay, and she would help me through this. Eventually with help from my friends and family, I was able to overcome this. However, it did take time and suffering. One thing I am going to add, is I didn't ever have suicidal thoughts because my depression didn't get that bad, but I did self-harm. So, if you ever thing about self-harming or feel like your going into depression, PLEASE! Speak to somebody about it. Even if it's your parents, teacher, friends or a proffesional. Please get help. It really helps :)

Okay, it is now 11:07pm so I am going to go to sleep!!

SleepingInTheGarden, is Sleeping :) (still trying to get a catphrase :/)